Underlying Anger

This has been one of the most fun summers I've had in a while. I mentioned to you all not long ago that I had to make a goal for fun this year to be more intentional in having fun. Covid-19 hit, and that set me back, but this summer I've been intentional to have some fun! We've hiked some, gone to my aunt's pool, gone to the lake, canoed on a creek, gone horseback riding, and soon we get to take an actual vacation! All of our outdoor activities almost fooled me into thinking that we were back to normal, but I know we are not. I did a little shopping today, and now I am well aware that the world is far from returned to normal.

Am I the only one who thought this whole virus thing would last a couple of months, then we'd be back to normal? I don't think I am. I've gone through every stage of grief with this I think, although I kinda think I've bordered on anger way more than acceptance. I'm really doing some self-reflection through all of this, and one of the tools that has become more and more interesting to me is the Enneagram. There are books, podcasts, websites, assessments, etc. etc. from which to learn. I've been listening to Annie F. Downs podcast, That Sounds Fun a lot. If you aren't subscribed, I highly recommend it. She is spending several weeks interviewing folks of different Ennegram types. Today, I listened to the Threes. The funny thing about the Enneagram, is most people can hear something of themselves in a lot of the different types. I was identifying with the Threes today. I even told my husband, maybe I'm a three instead of a one. So, I took the assessment on Annie F. Downs' website. Guess what, I'm a one, but three ranked within my top three.

So what is a one and a three? A one is a type called the Reformer or this assessment labeled as The Moral Perfectionist. Need I say more!? A one is someone who likes order, making things better, a rule follower, and may come across as critical (although, I promise I'm much more critical of myself than of anyone else). A person who is a three, The Successful Achiever, can bring order out of chaos, but is also a person who will take on new challenges and is ready for any task. No job is too big! The underlying emotion for a one is ahem, anger. The underlying emotion for a three is shame.

Those underlying emotions are really what seal the deal for me, because I find myself dealing with a considerable amount of anger and frustration sometimes. I don't mean to do so, but when my world feels out of control, it makes me mad. I want things to be orderly, to follow the rules, to be as they should be. We all know that life and the world is far from how it should be, but we/I can't stay angry all the time. So, what is the answer. How do we stay out of the ditch of being angry about everything and instead choose joy?

There are four things that I'm incorporating into my life that I hope will serve me and my people well. After all, if I'm unhealthy, then my people will get the brunt of it.

1. I'm making a conscious effort to roll out of the bed 5:30-5:45 a.m. during the week. I'm not sleeping great these days, so making myself get up when I am actually sleeping is tough. However, it is worth it. Why so early? Cause there's stuff to do to get my mind and body in a good place before the work day.

2. I'm spending that extra early morning time to exercise for 30 minutes. Some times I'm doing yoga, sometimes I'm doing HIT workouts. This part is doctor ordered, so, there's that.

3. I'm spending 30 minutes with the Lord. Honestly, I try to make a conscious effort to pray and think about how my day can be honoring to the Lord throughout my morning routine, but making sure I spend 30 dedicated minutes, is huge! Lately, I've been reading Get Out of Your Head: Stopping the Spiral of Toxic Thoughts by Jennie Allen during my focused time. Normally, I would choose a book of the Bible and read and journal through it. However, this book is providing a good framework for me during this time.

4. This item may sound silly, but here goes: drink water, take my medicine, and eat breakfast! I know that's goofy to write and to read, but it appeases my check-it-off-the-list personality.

So, that is my morning routine. A newly added item that won't necessarily be in the morning, is that I've finally decided it is time to talk to someone other than my family about this pent up frustration I'm dealing with. I have a Bachelor's degree in Counseling. I know that counselors are good and that they serve a good purpose. I went to a counselor many years ago, and I felt that I got really bad counsel/advice. So, it's been hard to think that I should trust someone else with my concerns. I try to be very discerning when I talk to people, but my husband tells me all the time that I'm an easy sell. Sometimes I'm just super-gullible. I'll believe it if I think you are trustworthy. So, I trusted this counselor was giving me good advice, and I made every effort to follow that advice. I only realized several years later that it was the worst advice I could have ever been given. You see, she was advising on how to raise children, when I needed advise on how to raise step-children. It is not the same skill-set!

Anyway, live and learn. I'm going to give counseling another shot. I've burdened my family with my anger and frustration, but it isn't really fair to them. I'm not a whiner, and I would hate to ever be perceived as one, but I do have a lot of words and thoughts to get off my chest. I'm hopeful that the counselor will help me process the anger I'm feeling as well as to unload on her instead of burdening my family with stuff they can't fix. Of course, I'm taking these burdens to the Lord, too, but sometimes you just need to know for sure that someone is hearing the words you are saying.

I write all of this to hopefully neutralize a stigma in some ways. My personality lends itself to anger, but also that anger is bad and wrong. If it is who I am, then I need to figure out how best to use that emotion for my good and not allow it to be used as a weapon by the enemy. Also, as a woman, I think anger gets labeled differently than for a man. I don't think it is looked at as negatively for a man. I just want it to be known that all of us are commanded not to sin in our anger (Ephesians 4:26). There is no distinction in this passage between male and female. When we leave anger unresolved it easily turns into unforgiveness. There is no space long term in our lives for either of these. And certainly, we want to take care of sin as quickly as possible turning that over to God and allowing Him to forgive us.

We may be feeling angry about our current situation, but we don't have to marinate in it. I hope you will join me in identifying the underlying emotion - whatever it is - communing with God, taking better care of your physical body, and finding a trusted person to share your burden. God is calling us to be authentic, but He is right there ready and willing to help us when we struggle.

For all my Enneagram one friends, the struggle is real when life doesn't feel perfect, and does it ever really? We have to learn to manage our expectations of others and ourselves. Sometimes good enough needs to be good enough.

Thanks for letting me share a little personal excerpt. I hope it is helpful to you as you journey through whatever may be happening in your life right now.

---

I would love to connect with you on social media. Join our community on Facebook. Share how you are trusting God to guide and direct your path.

Want to go deeper in your own Bible study and begin to know Jesus better? Get your copy of Fulfilled: A Study of Jesus.

Do you love books like I do?! Check out the The Bookshelf for lots of recommendations. There are affiliate links included, so I will receive a small commission if you purchase something. There are also affiliate links within this post.