Swirl
- Allison K. Lewis
- Aug 31, 2018
- 3 min read
Updated: Mar 11, 2020
There is a lot swirling around in my brain these days.
But then again, when isn't there? I don't know about you, but that whole idea that women's brains are like spaghetti is SO true. I usually have at least two or more thoughts trying to work their way around each other in my brain at one time. This is incredibly frustrating sometimes, but other times it is a blessing. I'm not really sure how I could get everything done in a day's time if I didn't have the ability to think about multiple things at a time. On the other hand, I find that I am not always 100% when too many things are swirling around in there. This is when I get anxious, worried, freaked out, etc.
Right now there are several life "things" that are up in the air. We are trying to time several big decisions on other things, which then leads to other needs and wants. The timing of one thing depends on another thing and the whole, big, jigsaw puzzle has to work out JUST right to make it fall into place succinctly. Did that exhaust you, it did me!?
This is what anxiety feels like to me. I am currently going through the Beth Moore study, Basketcase. It is, of course, fabulous! When I first started the study a couple of weeks ago, I thought, "Wow! I'm really not THAT anxious right now. Yay for me." Then, true Junior High School in all of its splendor kicked in for my daughter. What I wouldn't give to take away the pain and frustration of Junior High. But, I can't. It is, what it is. This mama will have to let go and let her little girl grow up. I never thought it would be this difficult! Then, decisions about potentially selling our house came up. Then, the possibility of new job opportunities. Then, changing my schedule around. Then this, then that, then the other... The swirling brain takes over. The anxiety creeps in. But God is telling me to wait. He is telling me that it will all be okay. When I start to panic that everything is not going to plan, He reassures me that in His timing it will all be just fine.
One really good thing about our new schedule and the girl going to Junior High, is that I have about 30 minutes in the morning to have quiet time. I get to read, meditate on the Word, and pray each morning instead of getting up at 4:30 or 5:00 to make it happen, or try to carve out time in the evening. I love it!
This morning I read Proverbs 19. The verse that spoke loudest with all of this swirling around in my brain wa
s verse 20: "Many plans are in a man's heart, But the counsel of the Lord will stand." God's got this - all of this. He is not going to allow us to fall flat on our faces. He is not going to pull the rug out from under us. He is not going to forsake my child when the hard things happen. He is not going to let me down. His counsel stands. My plans may not work out exactly as I think they should. My daughter may go through some hurt and frustration as she grows up (I know I did, so why would I expect less for her?). But God is in control. He is going to see me through this time of swirling thoughts, anxious thoughts, and wondering who, what, when, where, why, and how. He is the God of all, and my Lord. His counsel stands even when and especially when MY plans fall apart.